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Friday, 8 March 2019

I am a girl who got raised by a strong man

Hii :))
hope you are well :))

So i know I haven't posted on here in a little while don't hate me I just find it hard to know what to blog about half the time but whilst typing this, i feel the love growing back in my teeeeeeny finger-tips.

Today is international womens day as you know & the WORLD knows (being shown on emmerdale as i speak). The day where women are celebrated a ton and we celebrate the women around us who have helped us grow or helped us strive in life. But I wanted to do something a little different, I wanted to celebrate me as...I'm a woman.

                                  So I'm Chloe and I'm eighteen years old. I celebrate me.

I have been through a lot in the past couple of years and I haven't given myself credit for getting through half the stuff as to me, I didn't see myself as strong I saw myself as a failure. But now, I know I'm not a failure, I'm amazing.

I dealt with my mam passing away suddenly at the age of 15 years old whilst studying for my GCSE's and leaving school in the same year.

I dealt with the long term effects of a sudden death which is mental illness. I got depression off them three big changes in my life and health anxiety which affects me a lot now.

I grew up with boys so I was the only girl in my house-hold apart from my dog angel (the light of my life). Growing up with boys wasn't hard, but it was a bit sad when I saw my friends going clothe shopping with there mams or mother/daughter days which I did long for and most likely still do. I give myself a SHIT ton of credit for dealing with that as helllllll, i struggle with that a lot.

I got therapy and I'm not embarrassed to say I did. Therapy helped me a ton and if I'm honest I miss it as it just helps a lot. Get rid of the therapy stigma your mind is just as precious as your body!!

I saw my childhood dog die in front of me suddenly which did affect me a ton and which brought my health anxiety on subconsciously.

I enjoy watching gilmore girls (bloody best tv show in the world).

Music is the light in my mind. I enjoy lyrics, pretty photos and long car rides.

I love the fact that I enjoy dog walking, I love tons of garlic sauce on kebab, enjoyed my childhood & celebrate the fact that I am a girl who got raised by a strong man.

Celebrate yourself on this day as we spend the day celebrating a lot of amazing women around us, when we are the ones who need celebrated too.


                                    I am proud of myself...are you proud of yourself too?

                             
love,
Chloe xx





Wednesday, 23 January 2019

My Mad Mind & Me: Lucy's (Forever September) mental health recovery

Hii :))
hope you are well :))

So I'm back and I'm back with a series. An important series that I want to raise awareness about this year as much as I humanly possibly can and that is mental health.

Mental health is something which I am so passionate about and something which has affected me a lot, affected some of my family members and friends in my life and I've saw first hand what it can do to people and how it can make you think, and believe me its hard.

I know what's it like to not have people believe you for what is going on in your life and I have had people in my life who have believed me 100% and for that, it keeps me going.

Depression is something what I struggle with but, I don't see it as struggling anymore I see it as something that I live with that is a tiny part in my brain that tries to win me over and sometimes, yes it done...well a lot of the time it does. A lot of the time I'm sat on the sofa throughout the day wondering 'how do i change my life?'  'why did i end up like this?'  crying over & over again, dark thoughts plottering around in my brain thinking some not nice things. But now...I'm stronger and I can beat it a lot more and for that, its a journey I'm on and I'm so grateful towards that.

So anyway story over, but I want to spread awareness and for that I'm gonna need a little help from fellow people who have struggled with there mental health or saw first hand what it can do to someone.

So the series is giving tips on how they have gotten better or what makes them feel a lot better than they did. I wanted to make it a positive one showing that you can change and that you won't feel like this forever as that is what your brain tries to trick you into believing is that, you won't change and you will always feel this way but I know first hand, I'm not always going to be like this and you have to believe this too.

It's hard but its worth it.

So that is why, I am so happy to say that Lucy from Forever September is going to be the first person on the series talking about her mental health and how she deals with her mental health and how she has gotten a lot better. I adore Lucy she is a strong girl who has shown her struggles on her own blog 'Forever September' and she creates awareness herself on her blog she has a series called 'Mental Health Monday' please check it out and for that, I give you to the fabulous Lucy for her mini take-over.

"Starting the process of recovery/healing from your mental illness can feel quite daunting. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, is that healing is not linear. There will be bumps in the road whilst you’re recovering and that’s totally okay. Nobody is perfect. However, as I’ve been going through this recovery process for four years now, I have learnt a few things that help me along my way.

My first tip would be to not overdo it. There have been times where I’ve felt a lot better, and thrown myself in the deep end because I feel good, only to crash the next day. Just because you feel good, doesn’t mean you have to do EVERYTHING all in one go if that makes sense. Just space activities out so you don’t overwork yourself, it’s much better to do it that way.


Secondly, to go alongside with this, I think its super important to take some time out for yourself. Whether this is running yourself a nice hot bath, reading a book or watching your favourite TV show. It’s important you give your brain time to unwind and not think too heavily about things.

Another thing I would highly recommend doing in your recovery process, is look into getting a therapist. There are various different forms of therapy, and hopefully there will be something that suits you. There is absolutely no shame in receiving help for your mental health, it’s only the same as receiving help for a broken leg for example, you wouldn’t leave that untreated. The way I see it, is therapy is another form of self-care, you’re looking out for your brain.

 Alongside therapy, there is always the option of medication. Its best you do your research into this (there is plenty of info on the NHS website), but again, there is no shame in having medication to help improve your mental health. Both are there to help aid you through your recovery process and both are things that have helped me, especially medication.


So for me, it’s just about managing everything. Making sure medication is taken and that I don’t completely overwork myself so I get really tired. Just by setting yourself small tasks to work through can make the world of difference. Using mindfulness tools is also a helpful way to improve your mental health, apps such as ‘Flowy’ and 'Headspace’ are my go-to’"

How do you manage your mental health?

Lucy 

https://www.foreverseptember.co.uk/ (lucys blog)

Mind: 029 2039 5123

Samatrians: 116 123




Tuesday, 22 January 2019

My Mad Mind & Me

Hii :))
hope you are well :))

                                                       MY MAD MIND & ME

You know that series I was chatting about basically all the end of last year??

well I'm starting it.

My Mad Mind & Me is about mental health and spreading awareness on mental health whether that be something chatting about there story, there tips and tricks on getting better or how they changed there life. I'm all about spreading awareness as there is still a ton of stigma on mental health, that not a lot of people believe but its true. All we see are celebrities (who are brave for coming out with there story) talking about there own struggles and they get tons of praise, but when someone who isn't in the public eye comes out...there is stigma, I've experienced it first hand.

I don't claim to be a 'know it all' with mental health...I'm not. I struggle every day on even doing the simple tasks without thinking a negative thought, but I'm way better than I was a year ago. That is why I am including other people to talk about there own mental health as I only really know about depression so its not right for me to try and talk about the other mental illnesses what people deal with.

I am starting this series quite soon and I'm excited. I'm excited to create awareness and get back into the blogging game.

I'm sorry I've been gone for a long time but I didn't want to post when I'm unmotivated, quite depressed and feeling shit about everything I do.

But I've missed writing and missed that little spark in me and its coming back its trickier to light it but it will be back.

God, I've missed this blog.

So, my mad mind & me coming soon!!

Have you ever struggled with your mental health??

SAMARITANS: 116 123 (if you feel you are a risk to yourself and are feeling very low)

Speak later!!
Odd Girl Out xx



Sunday, 6 January 2019

So 2018...what did ya bring me??

Hii :))
hope you are well :))

So I'm trying to get back into this blogging thing.

I love blogging really, it's something I adore and I've technically been doing it since 15 years old but its an on and off thing which I do sorta hate what I do but you know, New Starts so let's make this blog a new start shall we??? let's forget about the negative parts of 2018 where I left this blog behind, cried every single day, lost the singing bug well, lost the 'everything' bug. It just went. Let's talk about the positives of 2018.





I went to see The Greatest Showman in January with one of my bets pal's and it turned into my favourite music of 2018. This is Me and Never Enough are the best songs of 2018 that I could ever choose (my favourite between them at the moment is never enough something about that song makes me calmmmmmm). I got my nose pierced too butttt it fell out, as I'm rubbish with piercings and maybe it's a sign I should never get my nose pierced?????

In March my depression got really bad. I don't wanna bring negativity onto my blog as I know what happens when negativity takes over, but that is what happened. I woke up crying every-day not understanding why, I fell out of love with everything that use to make my heart flutter & I just lost every single part of my life. It sucked a ton (still does). I decided I couldn't live with it anymore, I just couldn't do it...I had to go to the doctors.

So, in the April I made the doctors appointment and attempted to get it sorted (took three times, but hey i finally got therapy!!).

One of the highlights of the year was watching the Royal Wedding on the telly at my Nana & Grandad's with my auntie, the two psycho dogs and whoever walked into the house. I was a bit 'hmmmm' with Meghan's dress but I ended up falling in love with it as she is so naturally stunning. The wedding was so beautiful, it was the start of the summer, the flowers were out, the sun was shining down that day, the streets were quiet...it was just such a good day.

Then, June England got close to winning the world cup!!!! Everyone was smiling from ear to ear cos ya' know normally England isn't the best at Football??? it was so hot in June. I think I went on a few days out here and there.



July, I went to my first festival it was so hot, I burnt all my face, the vamps played and it was honestly one of my favourite days looking back. Everyone was smiling, I was trying to get Brad to fall in love with me even though I was at the back so....hell that wouldn't happen. But i went to stand in the crowd with my auntie which got so packed, very tall girls stood in front of me (im 5ft or just under and the girls were like 5ft 7....cheers gals). But apart from that, it was good. I honestly really liked it.



I had my 18th birthday in 2018. Turned 18, the grand age where you can legally drink alcohol buttt for me it doesn't matter as I don't drink in the first place. I went to the Seahouses with my Nana, Grandad, Dad, Brother and Tommy. I was nearly sick on the way back in the car (verrrry ill that day). Had a tea party at my Nana & Grandads and then that was it.

Therapy started in September, I'm still going now the woman is really nice and I think it is helping me slowly but it does take a whileeeee for things to click, things still haven't clicked in my brain but I'm much better than I was in March which I am grateful for.
(my baby angel)

(hendrix the psycho)


In December, was a sad, sad, sad month. Even though the tinsel was out, the quality streets were under the tree, Santa was getting closer & closer...it was sad. My dog and My Auntie's dog died in the same week which was really sad. Both very sudden, both just died....it was sad. I was there with Angel, I gave her a kiss on the head and broke my heart as she was my best pal and still is and she brought me so much love and happiness that I could ever ask for. She was the best dog a gal could ask for. I will always love her forever and ever, I know it is cheesy but she was my baby. She was my childhood, it was the end of an era really. Got her at 7 when I was a child and she was there till I reached Adulthood...my little Angel.

2018 was filled of more negatives than positives. I've tried to block them out of this, but it is hard. I still am feeling like my writing is shite and that I can't write properly, but I'm trying to do it and ya know what??? I like it. I just like writing for me, not for anyone else but for me.

I've made a vision board for 2019 maybe i will do a post on it if that's what ya fancy???im not really a resolution type girl because i don't know what to make lol but I made a vision board and I'm quite board and excited for it to manifest into my life.

Come on, 2019!!

Hope your 2019 will be filled of happiness and tons of love friends!!

Speak later!!
Odd Girl Out xx


Monday, 24 December 2018

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Hii :))
hope you are well :))

As your reading this, it's Christmas Eve for me and christmas eve for you too hopefully (or maybe christmas day if it is...MERRY CHRISTMASSSS).

I just wanted to sort of say merry christmas to every-one who reads my blog, who has clicked on it and supported it.

I'm sorry this year has been pretty shitty for my blog I haven't posted as much as I would of wanted too and 'Odd Girl Out' has sort of been 'Down Girl Out' but next year, I'm gonna try SO much more.

I really hope you have a good Christmas and that 2019 is the best year for you ever!! May you eat tons of chocolate, drinks tons of alcohol and pop (for me pop as i hate the taste of alcohol), get some nice pressies, enjoy the xmas specials and have a great day spent with loved ones and friends.

I'm sending tons of happiness, positivity and fun to you whoever is reading this for an amazing christmas and 2019. What's your plans for Christmas and New Year??? let me know!!

I'll catch you next year...maybe.

Speak later,
Odd Girl Out xx


Sunday, 9 December 2018

Mindset

Hii :))
Hope you are well :))

Changing my mindset

It's hard, very hard, one of the hardest things I would say you have to go through to grow as a human being. When your little you are told things that make you, YOU that makes our personalities into who we are. Our mindset changes all the time, well I believe it does because a few years ago I was in a happy mindset and for the past two years my mindset hasn't been happy, its been depression.

I've been in therapy since September trying to change my mind-set, its been hard to be honest as 'who actually knows what can change your mind-set??' the only person who knows is yourself when it sorts of clicks. For me, it is sort of clicking now...its hard as every day this year has been taken by Depression i would say and I don't wanna be someone who ALWAAAYS talks about depression but I do wanna share my journey and raise awareness for mental health as that is something I feel passionate about.

A good thing my brother told me was 'you can change your mind-set, its easy''   and obviously I took it in a hard way as when your really low you aren't gonna take it in a good way are you??? your gonna take it in somebody being horrible.  But it is true, only you can change your mind-set and it is easy we are in charge of our brain. All throughout our life we go through bad times, have happy moments, experience heart-break, laugh till we cry, meet new people, meet bad people....life is crazy. But we are in charge of it. Nobody else. There is nobody there with there finger pointing at us saying 'you shall live this life' and if they are well, don't listen. Live your truth.

My truth is starting my music again, doing this blog again, straightening my hair, going to bed at 12 or 1, waking up early...ish. My truth is that.

I thought when I was 15 that at 18 my life would be sorted, I would have everything and it would be amazing. But that isn't the truth and I'm glad about that. I'm glad that I've experienced a lot of things that make me, ME because if I didn't I wouldn't be me.

I don't really know what I'm saying apart from, I'm trying to change my mind-set and its frickin' hard. 2018 has been one tough of a ride that I've sit through with tears in my eyes, dark thoughts going through my mind, losing friends and losing the things I've loved. But at the end of this very sad and grateful year...I've learnt my truth and I'm starting to try and change my mind-set.

                                                        It's hard, but I'll do it.

                                                                     lots of love,
                                                                 Odd Girl Out xx







Tuesday, 20 November 2018

Wow...this is scary

Hii.

urm...wow this is scary.

I haven't properly wrote a 'blog post' for a looooong time or wanted too for about a year.

                        Truth is, 2018 was the year I fell out of love with everything.
           (so my ever so talented drawing is suppose to represent my brain and how everything i love                  has fallen to the ground and got taken over by grey dark HORRIBLE clouds that i wanna                    stamp on so bad grrrrr)

This blog, my singing, my life...it all sort of fell apart around me. Picture a little stick person (very tiny cos im tiny haha) with tons of thoughts around her head in cotton clouds but then the clouds turn dark and all the things she loved started to crumble onto the floor and get swallowed up. As did she...she got swallowed up and couldn't get back out of it.

That was me...and still is me.

I'm scared to write again. Reason...because I'm scared to fail, scared that I'm not anything 'special' and that I haven't got anything positive left in me or any experiences to write about or anything to write about, really.

When I started this blog it was out of love and wanting to sort of 'expresssss myself' and because of Girl Online by Zoella.

I still want to do this blog but I don't know what to do with it?? what to do...what to do....what to do. I want to push myself back into it and creating things I love instead of letting this place turn into a dark negative place like my brain...I want it to be a place where I can look at and feel better. I want it to be somewhere I can escape too when life isn't throwing me the best of cards and just write (i love writing when i was in school i just wrote all the time).

For 2019 my new year resolution is just gonna be to 'fall back in love with everything' instead of making them goals like 'eat healthy'    'go to the gym'    'drink water'  i want to feel love in myself and feel happiness again.

I don't want to say bye to Odd Girl Out because...then I'm failing myself as 'what could it have become??' that will be my question forever. I want it to become somewhere positive, happy and real...sort of like an agony aunt/sister. (lets say big sister).

THE REAL ME .... has no interest in beauty doesn't get it at all and never wears make-up, loves conspiracy theories, unsolved murders and missing person cases, is passionate about mental health, loves giving advice, is obsessed with the law of attraction and the universe, isn't happy all the time, loves music, is quite scared for her future & gets jealous...a lot.

There are a lot of more 'reals' but...i dunno. I just wanted to share it with you. I know this post is nothing festive, nothing to make you excited for christmas but...I just wanted to do this for myself and if you like it, great...if you don't well...I've made myself feel better.

I hope your November is going great and hopefully I'll speak to you more!!

Love,
Odd Girl Out xx

I am a girl who got raised by a strong man

Hii :)) hope you are well :)) So i know I haven't posted on here in a little while don't hate me I just find it hard to know what...